The Futility of Worry: A Tip from Van Wilder
In the movie “Van Wilder: Party Liaison,” Van Wilder compares worry to rocking in a hair. While you sit in the rocking chair, you move back and forth in a rocking motion. This movement, however, does not get you anywhere.
At the end of the motion, you are in the same physical place as before the movement began. The analogy works the same for worry. The emotions give you something to do and occupy your mind. In the end, however, you are in the same situation before you started worrying. Just like that, worry doesn’t help us reach our goals. It creates an illusion that some activity and action is taking place.
This is the exact snippet from the movie where this is mentioned:
I found the following video illustration of worry and rocking chairs fascinating. While it illustrates this point well, it is set to calming music. Listening to this music makes it hard to worry. I hope that you will enjoy it.
Emotional Groundhog Day: Stuck in a Cycle
We look at how emotions can trap us in a cycle of worry. Another movie reference is “Groundhog Day”. In this movie, the main character is forced to relive the same day until a lesson is learned. This is the same as the rocking chair example. It also adds an element of going through life on autopilot without being present. It is also similar to the rocking chair. Because someone sitting in it is passively rocking back and forth, it enables the person to disconnect and not be aware that no movement is happening. We go through the motion of the worry steps, but without any constructive steps, we are bound to repeat it the next day when the cycle starts again. Without any additional changes, the pattern is bound to repeat forever. Small daily actions accumulate to enable us to exit the vicious cycle.
Beyond ‘Don’t Worry’: Helping Others
When we see someone dealing with these emotions, saying “don’t worry” isn’t enough. We need a careful approach to help them without making things worse. We need to be there for them and create a safe space. This is something that these two words do not do. By doing this, we are shutting the listening channel in front of a person who needs to be heard. Words like “I hear you”, “I am here for you” are better.
For more information please see:
https://www.everydayhealth.com/anxiety-disorders/ways-you-can-help-someone-with-an-anxiety-disorder/
Worry’s Physical Impact
Worry isn’t just in your head. It can cause real physical problems and stress, just like when our ancestors had to run from danger. During this time the body function that was responsible for physically running away have been prioritized more than functions like immunity. Who cares if you can withstand disease better if you will become prey and lose your life. We rarely come across physical dangers similar to our ancestors, our bodies did not get the message though. When we worry about an important client meeting (a version of a lion watching its prey, us), our body is getting ready to fight or flee…
For more information please see:
https://www.webmd.com/anxiety-panic/ss/slideshow-worry-body-effects
Creating Peace: Simple Tools
We cannot both feel in danger and be at peace. Hence when we consciously make an effort to get out of the patten being in danger we bring objectivity and different perspective into the situation. Simple activities like being thankful, breathing exercises, and being mindful to break the cycle of stress and find peace help manage worry. Someone does not need to do all of them at once. Also, the perceived effects do not have to be noticeable right away, rather it is a new habit that is learned and gradually developed. Starting with one of the techniques is a good start. Other techniques can then be stacked on top of it for a compound benefit. Please check back to my other posts as I explore these subjects more.
